From Last nights SNL feature on #RockTheReTweet
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.
Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I worked in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!